A Very Broken Hallelujah

To my dear sweet niece I'll never know,

Three weeks to go until you would take your first breath.

Your mother and I had the best lunch on what we thought was just another Wednesday, filled with laughs and talks of you. I said you'd have dark hair like her, she said you might just surprise us and show up with red curls. She teased and taunted me that I still hadn't guessed your name. You gave your mom some little wiggles in there; you probably heard us talking about you.

We went to the afternoon appointment to have another peek at you. Within two hours, your heartbeat was gone, and I watched your mother's heart break before my eyes. As your dad arrived at the hospital, I watched that same light leave another face I love.

I went to your home, to your room, to pick out your first outfit. I sat on the floor and cried in a closet full of clothes that you would never get to wear.

A few days later, your dad and I held your mom's hands as we got to finally meet you. You have your mom's nose, and dad's lips, and Auntie was right, there was your dark hair. A perfect mix.

Your mom, dad, grandma and I held you for much too short of a time.

You already had such a personality. Stubborn with the doctors, kicking your mom and playing games with her bladder, and true to form, you were always willing to show off your junk to the ultrasound technicians. Auntie taught you right, you loved your sugar, and did a little dance in there every time mom would feed you something sweet. You already had a Christmas, went on a canoe trip, took kickboxing class, Ran for the Cure, dinners and movies with the girls, busted bad guys with mom, and had stories read to you by daddy. You were already the coolest kid I knew, and I was so excited to meet you. You were already loved.

You already had a favorite song, that your mom played for you on the piano all the time. Not every kid loves Leonard Cohen, you know.

We knew you were going to be a heartbreaker, we just didn't know it was our hearts that you'd break. I promise that I will look after your parents in your absence. We will always love you, and you will live in our hearts until our last days.

Kherrington Faith
February 6th, 2010
A life much too short